


I'm not as think as you drunk I am

by weekend_conspiracy_theorist



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, I'll add more characters as I go, Multi, but it's also mostly drunken shenanigans and parkwest making heart eyes at each other, not one hundred percent certain who'll be appearing yet, probably going to be three chapters, this is per se a coldflash fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 20:38:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6166012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weekend_conspiracy_theorist/pseuds/weekend_conspiracy_theorist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's double the ladies, double the diamonds, and double the Vegas fun when Linda and Iris get engaged--but apparently it's also going to be double the marriages?</p><p>(Or, the one where Linda Park and Iris West are helplessly in love, Caitlin Snow and Cisco Ramon both flirt with Lisa Snart, Laurel Lance arm wrestles Mick Rory, and Barry Allen wakes up married to Leonard Snart.)</p><p>(Joe's really gonna wish he'd gone along on this trip.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm not as think as you drunk I am

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MissSugarPlum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSugarPlum/gifts).



> I started this a while ago for Kelsey, because she's a delight who writes me all kinds of incredible stuff, and coldflash and parkwest are both very near and dear to her heart. I was having a really hard time figuring out how to transition to the bits that I actually want to write when I realized... it might actually work as a chaptered fic? So I'm trying it! It may go horribly, and for that, Kelsey dear, I apologize.
> 
> (the summary's subject to change depending on whether or not the fic works the way I have it vaguely planned out in my head, but I tried to only mention the bits I'm really set on)

"So?" Iris asks, wringing her hands, and Barry studies the ring carefully—he knows nothing about jewelry, he can't say anything about cut and facets or anything like that, but [the stone is circular, almost flower-like with the way the tiny gems around it are set, and the way the band meets it at the top from one side and at the bottom on the other adds to the natural, flowing beauty](http://www.heartsonfire.com/images/Collection/488x488/Lorelei-Bloom-Engagement-Ring-Diamond-Band-1.png).

 

"So?!?" Iris presses, urgent, knuckles nearly white, and Barry throws an arm around her shoulders, tugging her into his side and burying his nose in her hair.

 

"Linda's going to love it," he tells her, hiding his goofy grin against her temple, and Iris carefully reclaims the ring box from his hand. Barry lets her, gets his smile down to a reasonable level of goofiness so he can pull back slightly, meet her eyes. "So when are you going to ask?"

 

Iris bites her lip, winding an arm around Barry's waist to match the one around her shoulders. "I don't want to wait," she confides, soft and vulnerable, eyes crinkled as she looks at the ring and loses herself in some memory Barry can only imagine—or maybe she's imagining the proposal and Linda's face, or maybe she's picturing their future together. She tugs her eyes up, snapping the box shut as she beams at him. "We're going out to dinner tonight, and I think it's just perfect. We both agreed a while ago that we didn't want to get engaged without at least two years of living together, to make sure we knew what we were getting into, and that anniversary was last week."

 

"Joe and I popped champagne and celebrated it as the second anniversary of our bachelor pad," Barry informs her, and she throws her head back as she laughs.

 

He forces himself into a frown, puts on his best stern voice. "Hey, Ms. Domestic Bliss, there's no need to make fun of us; it was a very, _very_ serious, mind-numbingly _exhausting_ evening; do you even understand how maudlin your dad gets when he's drunk? It was insane, we whipped out a bottle of wine and some Disney movies like an hour in and he put his head on my shoulder and got all teary over Dory not remembering her family before straight up bawling over that bit where Nemo—"

 

"Oh my god, Barry," Iris wheezes, buries her face in his side, and Barry turns in her grip to wrap his other arm around her, pull her into a proper hug, breaking down into his own laughter.

 

Their laughter trails off into comfortable silence, but they just keep holding each other tightly, rocking slowly back and forth. Barry sighs, drops his nose to her hair once more. "God, Iris," he murmurs. "Marriage, I can't even believe it. I just—I'm so happy for you two."

 

"Thanks, Barry," Iris whispers and squeezes him tightly one last time before extricating herself. She slips the ring into her pocket, then stretches up to her toes to kiss his cheek (he still has to duck his head obligingly for her to reach). "I have to go get all dolled up and fabulous to make sure my girlfriend agrees to be my fiancée," she tells him, beaming, and kisses his cheek one last time.

 

"I'm winning, like, twenty bucks in the pool, by the way!" Barry shouts after her, laughing. "Cisco is convinced that Linda's the one who's going to propose!"

 

***

 

 **me:** hows it going

 

 **me:** iiiiiiriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis

 

 **Iris Best:** shhhhhh leave me alone; I'm wooing, here

 

 **me:** call me as SOON as u 

 

 **me:** wait y did u even txt me

 

 **Iris Best:** she's in the bathroom rn but she's going to be back soon so LEAVE ME ALONE, BARRY ALLEN

 

 **me:** iluuuuuuuuuuuu

 

 **me:** woo her pants off & that ring on

 

 **me:** was that inappropriate 2 tell 1's adopted sister

 

 **me:** hmmmmm she must b back

 

 **me:** gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im so happy for u guys

 

 **me:**

 

***

 

Barry scrambles for his phone as it begins blaring Beyoncé, has it pressed to his ear before she's even done asking who runs the world. "Has Linda officially agreed to become Mrs. Park-West?" he demands, the arm of his couch pressing painfully into his stomach, his popcorn bowl spilled across the floor.

 

"It's a funny story, actually," Iris tells him, and her voice is light and full of laughter. Barry feels himself deflating, stress rolling off of his shoulders, until she continues, "You lost that twenty bucks to Cisco."

 

He sits bolt upright. "No!"

 

"Linda beat me to the punch!"

 

"No!"

 

"Apparently she's been planning it for weeks, and Cisco helped her pick out the ring!"

 

Barry sucks in a breath, narrows his eyes at the picture of Cisco, Caitlin, and himself hanging out outside of Caitlin and Cisco's workplace, STAR Labs. "That cheater," he hisses.

 

"I said yes, by the way." There's a huff of static as Iris laughs softly. "She did the whole 'ring in the champagne' gimmick, and she got down on one knee and everything."

 

A crackle—"And then," Linda says, and Barry can picture her hanging over Iris's shoulder, holding the phone just out of reach as she shouts into it, " _she_ did the whole 'ring in the cake' gimmick and I almost choked on it, but I said yes anyway."

 

Barry laughs, and he can hear Iris laughing, too, in the background. "Double the ladies, double the diamonds—does this mean double the strippers at the double bachelorette party, too?" he teases.

 

"No!" Iris shouts. Linda is silent, perhaps considering the idea thoughtfully. Then she yelps—

 

"Barry, your sister just smacked me!"

 

"I take this moment—" Iris's voice suddenly gets louder, closer to the phone, and Barry can hear Linda laughing, the sounds of struggling— "to officially declare you my Maid of Honor, and to officially order you to not hire any strippers for my bachelorette party!"

 

Barry grins goofily at the picture of Linda and Iris- sharing cotton candy at some fair the year before- sitting on his bookshelf. "Who's Linda's Best Man?"

 

"I haven't decided yet," Linda tells him. "I have a lot of friends but nobody I'm super close to, at least not who lives near here—and it just seems unfair to ask someone to try and coordinate with me over the phone, you know? Inviting them to the wedding, _duh_ , but there's a decent amount of responsibility placed on a Best Man, not to mention dress-slash-suit fittings to match the rest of the wedding party, and…" she trails off, Barry pictures her shrugging. "Probably Cisco or Cait, honestly. Is that weird, Iris? Does it feel like I'm stealing your friends, or something?"

 

"Linda Park, soon to add West," Iris begins, voice soft and sincere, "you can have anything of mine that you want. I'd even give you Barry, if you wanted him."

 

Barry smiles at his ceiling for a long moment, and Linda and Iris kiss. "I'm gonna hang up now so you can call Joe and Linda's 'rents and everybody else," he tells them. "Love you guys."

 

"We love you, too, Barry," Iris tells him; he can hear the smile in her voice.

 

(Linda adds kissy noises, and then they hang up.)

 

***

 

"What I'm thinking- now stick with me here- is Vegas." Cisco holds his hands up, quelling the argument that isn't coming from his amused listeners, and continues, "You don't want to do it the night before the wedding anyway, so we can do it the weekend before with ease. I've already started looking into ticket prices and if we don't mind flying coach, they really aren't that bad. So we gamble a little money away, we do a little sightseeing, we get a _lot_ drunk," he winks, wiggles his eyebrows, "and then we hand drunk-Barry one of those 'predict what our kids will look like!' things of you guys and show the video of him crying over it at the reception."

 

"Hey!" Barry scowls, and Cisco just beams.

 

"What do you think?" he asks Iris and Linda, dropping his forearms onto the edge of the table.

 

"I love Vegas," Iris admits.

 

Linda looks at her for a second, shrugs. "I've always wanted to go," she offers.

 

Cisco straightens, rubs his hands together with a delighted expression. "Excellent! So—"

 

Iris holds up a finger, an amused smile on her lips. "We need to talk to everyone else first, make sure everyone has the money to do it and is free that weekend. I know my dad can't make it- that weekend's his and Singh's annual Bitch Fest- but he probably doesn't want to watch us all get trashed anyway. And we can't take Wally and Jesse, since they're both too young to drink, but Cait, Patty, Felicity, Kendra, Eddie, and Laurel all need to be looped in."

 

Barry grins and sips his coffee. His eyes dance over the top rim as he casually asks, "No Oliver? Not even for your bachelorette party?"

 

Linda huffs, steals Iris's coffee out from in front of her and informs him daintily, "If I don't get strippers, she doesn't get Oliver."

 

"I don't want Oliver!" Iris pauses, amends, "Okay, I mean, to be fair: who doesn't? But I would never actually try to sleep with him because he's an asshole, and I'm in love with a cupcake who bought me the prettiest ring in existence." She leans over to press a sloppy kiss against Linda's cheek, and Linda rolls her eyes.

 

"Second prettiest," she huffs, raises her own hand to wiggle her fingers.

 

"Cisco and I are going to have to see them side by side to referee," Barry informs them, grinning, and Iris smacks her left hand down on the table, raises one eyebrow challengingly at Linda.

 

"Prepare to go down, pretty girl," Linda tells her, eyes narrow, and lays her hand next to Iris's.

 

Where Linda's ring is circular, almost flower-like, [Iris's is a square diamond, and the band flows smoothly, with two small arcs of diamond on either side and sharp, elegant edges](http://www.barkevs.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/7/8/7840lw_barkev_s_engagement_ring_1.jpg). Cisco and Barry both reach forward, Barry lifting Iris's hand and Cisco lifting Linda's.

 

"Hrrmmm," Cisco grunts, eyes narrow, turning Linda's hand every which way.

 

"Ahhhhhh," Barry murmurs, leaning in close to peer at Iris's ring.

 

He straightens, offers Iris's hand to Cisco, and the girls struggle not to laugh as Cisco cries out, "Hon hon hon!" and hands Barry Iris's hand in return.

 

"Oooooh!"

 

"Hmmm!"

 

Linda cracks. "Oh, come on, who wins?" she begs, pulling back her hand, laughing brightly.

 

Cisco releases Iris's hand, turns to look at Barry. "I have formulated my opinion, have you, Mr. Allen?"

 

"Indeed I have, Mr. Ramon." Barry folds his fingers together, raises his eyebrows as he glances between Linda and Iris.

 

"It's a tie," Barry announces, just as Cisco emphatically declares, "Iris's!" Barry stares at him, hand on his chest and face twisted in betrayal, and Linda collapses into Iris's side, burying her face in Iris's neck as she laughs.

 

Cisco shrugs. "I helped pick it," he points out.

 

***

 

"Be safe," Joe says, leans in to press a kiss against Iris's cheek. "I know you're all grown ass adults, but keep an eye on each other, make sure nobody drinks too much and that any unwanted suitors are beat back handily—but not too handily. No arrests, and no getting kicked out of places."

 

"Which means Cisco, Barry, and Caitlin aren't allowed to count cards," Wally adds, snickering, and Cisco rolls his eyes, tugs Wally into a hug.

 

"It means Cisco, Barry, and Cait aren't allowed to get _caught_ counting cards," he corrects, and everyone except Joe laughs.

 

"Don't get kicked out of a casino," he says, with the voice of someone who has been suffering for a long, long time.

 

"We won't," Barry promises. He claps a hand on Joe's shoulder, grins. "Because we won't get caught."

 

Joe groans, turning on his heel as Barry cackles and lets his hand drop back to his side. "Get off my porch," he grouses as he stalks back inside. "I'll see you all in two days."

 

"We love you, Joe!" Linda calls, wiggles her fingers in a wave when he glances back at her. (His grumpy face cracks slightly, the smile peeking through, but he doesn't turn back.)

 

Barry rubs his hands together, looks around. "Alright, so Cait is meeting us at the airport, Eddie and Laurel are on a later flight, Kendra's meeting us in Vegas, and Felicity and Patty send their regards but can't come. Right?"

 

"Yep," Cisco agrees. He scoops up his bag, sets off down the steps towards his car. "We're all good, except that Wally needs to stop eyeing the car like he's gonna try and sneak in the trunk."

 

"Vegas sounds awesome," Wally complains, but he accepts the hug Iris offers him and then slouches back inside to a chorus of goodbyes.

 

"We could have brought him and Jesse along," Barry points out to Iris. He grabs his own carry on to follow Cisco, calls back over his shoulder, "We'd just have had to leave them behind when we went to get drunk."

 

Iris is shaking her head as he speaks. "You wanna trust two nineteen year olds on their own in Vegas for multiple hours? Uh uh, no sir."

 

Barry shrugs, not really having an argument. "I just feel bad, I guess."

 

"Don't bother," Cisco tells him, slings his bag into the back of the car. "Last I heard, they'd set up a Smash Bros tournament with a few of their friends since the house'll be empty for the night; they're going to have plenty of fun without us."

 

"Shotgun!" Linda shouts, cutting off further discussion—and Barry's hand reaching for the passenger side door.

 

He sighs dramatically and she cackles and slips around him, blowing him a kiss as she goes. (He tries to keep an angry expression, but the smile that's taking over his face is kind of ruining it.)

 

Iris slings an arm around him and declares, "I guess that leaves the two of us in the back, huh? It's like being kids all over again." She beams up at him, and Barry drapes his own arm over her shoulders, giving in to the laughter.

 

"Yeah, but this time there's gambling and booze waiting for us on the other end of the flight, not Grandma West's famous pie," he points out.

 

"Yeah…" Iris makes a face, lets her head drop against his side. "I think we traded down."

 


End file.
